Reply to Feeling hopeless about my marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So if I'm understanding this correctly, you want him to help out more around the house and in life, and he tells you "adjust your expectations, I won't lift a finger".

DTMFA. There are guys out there who truly do try every single day their best to be a full partner and lighten your load. Who actually care about your wellbeing. I'm married to one of those guys and I'm nothing special. 
[/quote]
Pretty much. I say I need more help, he says he will help more and try harder. That usually involves a couple extra things that he does for a couple weeks, then he goes back to his usual load. For example he will take the kids to the park a couple hours one Saturday and then will feed the dogs one morning or evening or take out the garbage a couple times. We have done this over and over, every 6-8 mos, for several years. Certainly since we had two kids which is 6 years.

I have a strong hunch he has ADHD (not simply because of the division of duties), but maybe I am just hoping he does so there is a “reason” he doesn’t help me when I am overwhelmed. Otherwise it would just feel like him not being a real partner.

He keeps talking about  my “full potential” and I keep telling him I have absolutely no bandwidth to do things for myself to reach my “full potential” because I spend so much time doing everything else that needs to get done. He will say he supports me doing things on my own/for myself but when I ask for concrete things like “pick up the kids every Wednesday routinely” so I can stay for a late meeting or be on a board or volunteer or something he won’t commit. It’s just a terrible cycle and I’m so tired of/from it. [/quote]

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