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[quote=Anonymous][quote][b]Mine are so needy because my siblings didn't have children.[/b] And because my parents didn't die in their 60s like their parents did (I'm glad for that, just stating how it's changed in a generation). When your kids are the only grandkids on both sides, it puts A LOT of pressure on the kids to perform on every holiday. I wish our siblings would have kids, but as we enter our 40s I don't think it's happening. I was 1 of 16 grandchildren, DH was similar. We weren't a precious commodity or a prop. There were enough of us to go around that someone always was baking cookies with grandma and having a concert she could attend.[/quote]

This can be a big problem. One of the biggest mistakes in psychology when dealing with women who suffer from infertility is telling them that they can focus on building a relationship with other children such as nieces or nephews. This recommendation is starting to change -according to a friend of mine that is a psychologist, because for many women this created more problems than it solved. It is not healthy to pursue a relationship to replace what you wanted but could not have and while this isn't exactly what the therapists were recommending too many times this is how it played it for some women. It also set them up for a second rejection as the parents of the kids naturally had to draw back and not allow them to play second mommy. The playing second mommy fantasy never works even when the parents allow it. It just deepens and extends the sense of loss. It is far, far better for the individual to move on from the idea of having kids and find other ways to enjoy life. [/quote]

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