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[quote=Anonymous]OP, thanks for your update. I'm glad that he came clean about what's going on, and that you have a path forward.

Nonetheless, I highly suggest that you consider couples counseling (which can be short term and focused on a specific issue). Reading between the lines of this situation and your posts, it sounds like you both (like most people) have emotional issues related to finances, and they are quite different. When people say that financial issues are the #1 cause of divorce, I think it can be a little misleading (even though it's true). I think most people have some kind of emotional baggage around money, but over time they develop a rational framework to justify that their approach is the "right" one. This can make fights about money much more heated, because both people have convinced themselves that their approach is "rational and right" so an alternative approach is wrong.

In my own marriage, DH and I definitely have conflicting emotions around money. I grew up in the richest tier of UMC, while also being the extremely neglected middle child. Pretty much the only way my parents paid attention to me was either to criticize me about something or to give me lavish gifts...so I was trained to see material things as the currency of affection. DH also grew up UMC (in a way), but his father would squander his otherwise high income on risky investments that frequently left his family without fairly basic things (like a functioning car for him mom to take him to school and soccer practice). For him, providing emotional security is tied to always saving for a rainy day so that you never go without the basics. We work because our general spending and saving habits are similar...but it's taken years of talking and understanding each other to be able to have discussions about financial topics where we differ without thinking the other person was deliberately doing something mean or irresponsible.

In your case, you equate financial openness with emotional openness (so do I), but I'm guessing your DH does not. You will likely always have some financial disagreements, since your approaches to finances are very different. But counseling will allow you to talk about these things rationally instead of emotionally. [/quote]

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