Reply to Is going down with the ship part of marriage vows?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Is going down with the ship part of marriage vows?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]Someone unwilling to get get help who is negatively impacting the mental health of the household[/b] is not worth saving the relationship. I would not allow my spouse to affect the well-being of myself or my children.[/quote]

That's a low bar. So many things can impact the well-being of yourself or your children. Going through difficult times and learning to deal with negative events and emotions is part of life and necessary to build resilience and actually have well-being. To run any time there is something difficult because it will affect the well-being of your children doesn't make sense. That act of leaving would affect their well-being.

In my extended family, there have been spouses with autoimmune disorders, spouses in accidents, spouses with cancer, spouses with depression, spouses with neurological conditions, and spouses with life altering injuries. All of these have definitely impacted the mental health and well-being of everyone in each family. it has also taught them things, brought them together and made them stronger. To think you would just bail and deprive your child of a parent and a stable home because they are impacted is so unhealthy. At some point your kids are going to have to learn how to cope with adversity and also then to deal with the abandonment of a parent. [/quote]

How nice for you that even though your extended family has dealt with challenges, those challenges have not resulted in a home environment that is unhealthy.  How nice for you that partners of those afflicted have not had their own mental health jeopardized/eroded because of those illnesses.  How nice for you that they didn't have to divorce in order to provide their children with a stable, healthy home.

My XDH refused to accept treatment for his depression.  He'd been on medication most of our relationship and, although it could be challenging, I was willing to stay with him because he worked to control.  There came a time when he stopped making an effort, refused my assistance, was unemployed for 2 years and was unhealthy to be around  - not to mention we were facing financial ruin because of his unemployment and uncontrolled spending.  I developed depression myself because of it.  It was at that point that I realized living with my XDH was too harmful to me and our kids.

I modeled the behavior I hope my kids would emulate in a similar situation.  Love isn't enough.  Do not jeopardize your well being or the well being of your children by clinging to relationship that is harmful.  My XDH is not a bad person.  I have no hate/dislike for him.  My only regret is that I didn't end the relationship before my well being was so profoundly impacted - and not for the better.  Had I remained with him, my kids and I would be suffering as much as he. No vow can require that kind of sacrifice.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics