Reply to Sad topic but need advice: Shower for mother who has lost a baby

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I can't actually tell from your initial post if you asked about a celebration or just whether she needed things. If you didn't ask about a celebration specifically, maybe say "if you're up for a lunch or something with no gifts, we'd love to do that for you but we also totally understand if you don't want to." And maybe say it in writing - and then understand if she doesn't want to. If you think your offer already covered a celebration, don't do anything.  I agree with others who said focus your energy on a meal train (or a small gift) once baby arrives or even a first birthday.

As others have shared with you, as someone who had a late stillbirth, in my subsequent pregnancy - I didn't even want to hear "congratulations" until there was a baby in my arms (and I was still wary then). It didn't mean I didn't know others were excited for me, but I found being around their excitement and happiness too much. It felt like they had expectations that I might let down again and totally premature. I can only imagine how your friend feels after losing a 5 mo. As so many others said, let your friend be your guide to being there for her right now - even if that means just talking to her about anything other than being pregnant/baby stuff. [/quote]

So incredibly sorry for your loss.  [/quote]

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