Reply to Considering adopting from foster care 2 or 3 siblings

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ve always heard you should adopt younger kids than you have for safety reasons. Older children could possibly harm your younger kids.[/quote]

I am familiar with this adage as well but I was thinking that so long as they were roughly the same age it would probably be fine.  My kids are 6 and twins that are almost 9. I thought for example a 7 and 10 year old would likely be fine. But I’m ignorant here.   I want to be educated. [/quote]

Ugh really? You thought that would be a good idea?

Did you put any thought into this at all? Do even an tiny bit of research?

Having same age children sets up a competition better kids for your time and attention.  Add in that children in foster care have experienced trauma and really need that opportunity to be the center of someone’s attention.

What you are envisioning is that it will be like hosting a very long play date. The kids will move in and just get into the groove of your routine as a family and adjust after a week or so  and that’s that.  You will sign them for sports and extra curricular, you will take cute photos of all the kids and post them to Instagram etc

This reminds me of this woman that was in my foster care training classes. The social worker said to us potential foster parents that wanting a playmate for your child is not a good reason to foster and the woman looked shocked and then admitted that’s why she was signing up. She also didn’t see a problem with hosting various homeless men in her home at the same time she would have a foster their own sel child ( she did this as a charitable act - she wasn’t in an relationship with them)[/quote]

Op here. Do you ave children? Raising kids is nothing like a long play date. Sure there are parts of it that are pure joy but there is a lot of work and it is complicated. Children have personalities and their own view points shaped by their own self centered worlds and because they are kids. I envision literally all of that plus parts of their childhood that are unfathomable to me and unfairly hard for them. Sometimes I hope I will know exactly how to make them feel safe and loved. Sometimes I’ll try and I won’t. There will be ups and downs more so than we probably have now. It will make many thing harder for my family but with greater lows comes greater highs too. It will change my children’s upbringing but in a way that dh and I perceive to overall better than worse. That’s what I envision. But then again I could be entirely wrong. But no one has kids because it will be easy. I am certain that any kids we adopt will be better off for it. I am certain that my children will be better human beings for it and I know that we understand the financial and time commitments involved and prepared for that.

Obviously I am still researching but responses like yours are truly unhelpful. And sadly why so many kids who could use a home are in foster care.  And you competition between kids argument. That is part of being a parent and part of being a kid. And part of being and adult too. My eldest are twins so yes I do believe that I am intimately familiar with it already. [/quote]

PP you are responding to and yes I am an adoptive parent and have been a foster parent.

The competition for attention is a serious and real issue. It’s NOT THE SAME as competition between biological children in a family.

Go to this Facebook page and spend time reading the stories to see how naive parents like you end up creating more issues for the child, yourself, your own kids.  So many of these stories talk about families that already had a few kids and then adopted a child from a trauma background.  The child is hurting so much that they want to be placed in a new family. All of these families started off thinking like you....

https://m.facebook.com/secondchanceadoptions/[/quote]

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