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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Stay involved and "get to know" the man she is dating. At 19 I was dating a 29 year old and my mom hated it. She didn't push me away but didn't enable the relationship either. She stayed involved enough to know who I was with and that I was safe. The relationship lasted 6 months; long enough for me to realize the guy was a loser.

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OP. Yes, this is exactly the tactic I am taking. So far, it's not working. We keep inviting him over or to events..and he declines. I want her to keep confiding in me so she can hear aloud the 'red flags' herself, without me pointing them out. DH thinks I am being a wimp and would rather disallow her from seeing this guy again. I know that won't work and would backfire. Yes, all of us are in therapy. [/quote]

Keep in mind the goal isn't to win him over. The goal is to leave enough subtle hints for him know that you are an involved family. While you will be inclined to fight with her, all that will do is give her something to take back to him and bitch about. Which will only serve to strengthen their relationship. Focus on strengthening your relationship with her so that you stay in the loop.

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