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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Husband Keeping Detailed Notes"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Have you been moody or nagging lately? Maybe he just wants proof if you snap at him for things. Seems way too time consuming though. That would bother me to death and I would just have to straight up ask him about it![/quote] This. I think he is gathering info to make a point. What and how that point will be used is hard to tell. Not putting your sweaters away is not fodder for a divorce case, IMO. FWIW, my partner tends to gaslight me and deny things he's said, things he's done/hasn't done and then tends to try to change his story. I have jotted things down in the past for my own sanity. This just came up again. He tends to be a workaholic and claims he wants to change that. I asked him what his definitive work hours are. He said 5 p.m. is his official quitting time. I repeated and said, "Your work day officially ends at 5 p.m., correct?" He said yes. I jotted a note on my calendar. (FWIW, his employer has ZERO expectation of anyone staying past normal work hours since they pay hourly and the work load is not heavy.) Yesterday he came home later and I said, "Oh, you worked late today." He said, "No, it's my normal time." I stood firm and pushed back, telling him point blank he told me in June that his normal work hours were until 5 p.m. When I pushed, he finally admitted that yes, he was supposed to leave at 5 but wanted to finish up with something. I've had to do this with other things as well, simply because I got tired of arguing with him. Sadly, I have had to resort to this tactic simply because he refuses to EVER be wrong about anything. OP, is it possible you might have this same personality trait? [/quote] So out of curiosity what’s the point of this whole exchange? It sounds like you just want to win or prove him wrong? Over working a little late, which seems like a normal thing to do? I guess I don’t get the point, even if he said something 7 months ago, of demanding that he acknowledge that. It sounds like OPs DH is maybe the same way. Sounds like an unpleasant way to live - waiting for your spouse to pounce on you. [/quote] The point is obvious - do you even know what gaslighting is??? When someone continuously obfuscates or challenges, corrects or criticizes, then taking notes can be a means of ensuring you are not imagining things. [/quote] If a marriage is based on continually obfuscating and criticizing then it's time to get out. Sounds like OPs DH is moving in that direction.[/quote]
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