Reply to Generosity of a friend with Applepay

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, thanks for the range of views.

I am not actually very concerned about the caloric intake side but I hear those concerns. He has very good judgement about food, a naturally intuitive eater and easily steps away from sugar all the time. So when I say food and drink, he usually gets a small hot chocolate and a banana or something.

It’s the money part that bugs me and yes it’s not a crazy amount of money and it’s not even every day of the week that he is there (maybe 3?) but it is the first time that we have dealt with kid friend whose parents have such a different sense of money and a child’s uncontrolled access to it. My son knows that I think he should decline the offer at this point as we have had that chat, but he is also getting older and I can only tell him my views and reasoning and hope he makes good decisions. Some of the previous comments make it sound like I can force him to do something and I think assuming that is not reasonable. It would likely only shut down our avenues of communication which isn’t a good idea given the range of bigger issues coming as he grows.

I think I will take it up with the mom gently, and also get him a Starbucks gift card for a small amount and see where things go.

I find parenting at this age of nascent kid independence raises a lot of new challenges (I am still saying no to a phone but he seems to be one of the very few kids without one in the 6th grade) so it’s interesting to hear everyone’s thoughts. [/quote]

How do you plan to handle it when the stakes are higher than Starbucks? "I can only tell him my views and reasoning and hope he makes good decisions" sounds like he's 17, not a sixth grader. You can tell him he needs to reciprocate but you want him to choose to do it--yet he's not making that choice. So you're OK with that, since you told him your views and therefore did your job? What happens when he's older and the behaviors in question aren't just about snacks? If he hasn't learned by then that he needs to be more considerate of others and less ready to take repeatedly -- all the adult views and reasoning won't sway him then either.

Get him a Starbucks card and tell him how long it has to last (in other words, you will not be reloading it every time it runs out but only on a schedule). Then tell him he needs to pay every other time they do this. I know, hard to monitor. And I suspect maybe he worries that he'll be embarrassed and will embarrass his friend by saying he, DS, is going to pay this time, because DS hasn't ever done that before. But if you are fine with his having the privilege of going to Starbucks with his friend (and it is a privilege, not a right), he needs to step up.

I don't quite get how the kids have that much time repeatedly each week to stop for treats, though. No after-school stuff, or maybe that comes later in the day? [/quote]

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