Reply to Please comment on tonight’s bedtime scene (5yo)

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[quote=Anonymous]1. If you are committed to the current bedtime schedule, no, you don’t undermine him.  And you had no business telling him to go back in.  Asking him what happened and how you could help for next time would have been appropriate.

2. There is nothing abusive about being picked up by a shirt.  Your child’s shirt didn’t tear at all, right? And he wasn’t thrown into bed, just put there.  Yeah, t was scary, because it sounds like nobody had really enforced boundaries like that before.  But it’s not abusive.  Talk to someone who was actually abused (mentally, physically and/or emotionally) if you want to make sure.

3. Have a discussion about how you talk to each other.  That means not only can you expect him to listen to you about how he talked to you, you need to listen to him about how you’re telling him to parent.

4. Have a family meeting.  Each person should explain the night from their perspective.  And then work together to make sure it doesn’t happen again.  From my point of view, that means making sure DH knows that you can handle bedtime solo if he’s having an awful day (and vice versa), making sure child understands that adults have bad days just like kids and sometimes need a break, and making sure your child knows that bedtime means his bottom better stay on that bed unless he’s running to the bathroom and coming straight back.

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