Reply to My single friend wants to be a mom

Forum Index » Parenting -- Special Concerns

Reply to "My single friend wants to be a mom"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My single friend, 40, has never been in any relationship, and she has been thinking of doing ivf (w sperm donor) to be a mother. She lives by herself, and she has no family nearby. She has a professional career, but her work schedule is not flexible. She has been hoping for getting into a relationship/getting married for past years, but for whatever reason, it never works out. I think it gets to the point that she thinks there's a chance she would be single forever, and she wants a child of her own no matter what. She is still hesitating because she knows being a single mom is tough, and she does not know if she can do this by myself with no family support nearby. She is worried about daycare, her work schedule, money, relationship, etc.. She tells me that once she decides to do it, she would stop looking for any possible relationship. Her mentality is that if she cannot find one when she is single, how could that be possible of if when is a single mom. Her family lives across the country, and she is not sure if her retired mom would come to live her for a bit to help with pregnancy/transition. Her family has some fortune, but she is the type of person not wanting financial help from family till that last straw. Her family seem to support her.

I am a mother of 2 kids, but I don't know any single mom by choice. Even my DH is not that helpful/handy, he helps financially to support to put 2 kids in daycare with his salary, taking pto when kids are sick, lending me a hand when I am in need, dropping off kids at daycare, and entertaining kids when I am dying or sick etc.. And, my family lives local to help me all the time with babysitting. My friend is still struggling to make the final choice to pull the trigger or not to do ivf, and I cannot help her with decisions. However, anything I can tell her the pros/cons/advice that can help her to make the right decision? She is afraid that she may regret if she never has her own child. And, how long & how much does it costs to do a success ivf (with sperm donor)? Anyone has been there? I assume she is psychically healthy, is there any pre-requirement for woman doing ivf without infertility issue?[/quote]

She should adopt a child, not have one by artificial means.[/quote]

There’s no credible argument that she should adopt over having her own (by ivf or otherwise) that doesn’t apply equally to every biological mom on DCUM. [/quote]

NP. You've got to be kidding that you don't think it's extremely selfish for someone to try to have a child when they have no partner, no family, and intend to keep up a heavy work schedule. At 40 years old, no less, assuming it can happen immediately. That's basically choosing to bring a child into the world with the intention to let "the system" raise it. That is NOT in the best interests of the child.

I have no problems with a committed partnership choosing to have children through artificial means, or a single parent having a child if they have a loving extended family who is willing to also support the child, or even a single parent without a family if she has the financial means and intention of taking a lot of time off work and really raising that child. But you can't just go out of your way to have a child at 40 where you are the child's only family and you don't intend to be around much anyway.

People should have children only when they think they can provide the child with a great life, not because they have psychological issues and regrets about their life choices and are in the middle of a mid-life crisis.

OP, your friend needs a therapist, not a child.[/quote]

I agree with PP above. I know someone who did this. The lack of ... whatever ... that led to no relationships also led to extreme loneliness even with child. It was misery. Also she is older which will make it harder. She needs a dog and a therapist not s child. But giving advice about this may end your friendship. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics