Reply to Why is he ignoring me?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Why is he ignoring me?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’d rather face his verbal abuse than be ignored like this. Being ignored is torture. Normally he verbally abuses me, I get on with my day. Its not verbal/emotional abuse 24/7. He cracks jokes, talks to me, etc. We still share good times.

I didn’t really stand up to him and let him know his behavior is unacceptable. I just yelled at him and said swear words out of anger. My mom stands to him and he justifies his abuse. He says that we lead him to abusing us. Also, when he verbally abuses my mom and she replies back to him with verbal abuse, he gets mad. He might give her the silent treatment.

He’s passive aggressive with me right now. I’m just so upset. He’s been emotionally abusing me for years and the one time I swear at him, he just falls apart. He can’t cope and is soo upset. Yet it’s ok if he does it to me.

I’m also ignoring him as well. I haven’t tried speaking to him. Perhaps that’s why he’s hurt. He’s never violent or physically abusive though. How do I fix this relationship? Can someone explain why he’s behaving this way? [/quote]

The silent treatment is just another form of emotional abuse.  It is designed to control aspects of your behavior and keep you walking on eggshells.

Please get into therapy.  Please get out of there ASAP.  You cannot recovery from abuse in an abusive environment.  Even a 1 bedroom in a group house would be better for you.  Also, get a second job (hopefully, you already have 1) so that you can earn money faster and get out sooner and pay for therapy.

For you and your Mom -- visit loveisrespect.org and evaluate your relationships.

FWIW, it is not OK for you to be verbally abusive or emotionally abusive back, nor your mom.  You all need to learn some better coping skills.  I can understand that you yelled at him in surprise.  But, in a normal relationship, that would be followed up by a normal conversation working out conflict and boundaries.  I'm not saying you owe him an apology for this incident, but that as victims of abuse we also have to learn how to effectively cope.  That mostly involves using polite words to negotiate conflict and drawing boundaries.  The obvious boundaries for you to draw are around the amount and type of contact you are willing to have with him if he continues to be abusive toward you.  A therapist can explore your desire to have a relationship with him, which is normal, but help you navigate what boundaries to have and how to enforce them to keep yourself safe both physically and emotionally while allowing the possibility for some kind of improvement in your relationship with Dad.

I don't want to sound negative, but it is typically very difficult for abusers to change their behavior without extensive outside therapy support and hard work over time.

good luck. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics