Reply to adoptees, would you spend holidays with your biofamily?

Forum Index » Parenting -- Special Concerns

Reply to "adoptees, would you spend holidays with your biofamily?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, many have addressed the issue of your adoptive mom wanting to have Xmas with you by focusing on what she would say think and then by saying she is dead so you don't have to worry about her wishes.

It strikes me that PPs are looking at the wrong end of that relationship (your adoptive mom) instead of you.  You obviously feel some sense of betrayal and disobedience by going to the biological family for Xmas even though your adoptive mom is no longer here.

I would focus more on your own feelings about that.  Why do you feel the way you do?  Work with a therapist if necessary.  [b]Are there some kind of rituals you can create that address including the memory of your Mom at Xmas time.  Do you have kids?  Can you incorporate Mom's memories into some of your own Xmas traditions with your kids?  This would be a way of not "displacing" your adoptive mom with a "new" (biological) mom. [/b] The fear of being replaced or diminished as a mother probably drove your mom to be a bit militant about getting xmas with you.

In the same way, I would focus on trying to understand why the distant biological sibling feels the way he does.  Work with a therapist to understand this and to consider whether avoiding him is the best way to deal with this.  Sometimes people just want to be heard.  [/quote]

I love these ideas. Thank you. - OP[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics