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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This happened to my biracial (black/white) daughter OP. It started at the same age. She started saying  she hated being brown and having curly hair. Transpired Her classmates were telling  her she was covered in mud and looked like a warthog (they were studying them at school) because of her curry hair and brown skin. During black history month someone asked her if her grandparents had chains around their necks. She became so despondent that, in her own 5 year old way , she said “I don’t want to be alive because I don’t know how to be happy being brown”. She called all black people ugly.
It’s a very long and extremely painful story but we eventually, after a year of talking to the school, decided to move her to a private school where she was not the only brown person and it’s made the world or difference. 
In these situations it’s very hard to bring about change because most of the comments made are by children who are just not used to people different from them and are curious. [b]No one has explained these differences[/b]. If there is no one else like them they bear  the brunt of these comments and it can be very damaging. I was advised by the  school social worker, off the record, to remove her from the school because where these situations had arisen before they often got worse not better. 
I hope you have a better experience than we did and are able to resolve the situation within the current school. [/quote]

No one has explained the differences because if we try to talk to our white kids about black kids then we're racist. But of course they aren't blind so they see the differences and they aren't deaf so they hear the differences too. And I just hope like heck that they aren't in a room one day and blurt out something that goes through their head while they try to figure things out for themselves.

While the differences can't be discussed, the similarities can't be discussed either, and it stays some sort of Big-Thing-That-Can't-Be-Talked-About. And there will never be unity in this country with that.[/quote]

Wow!  If anything, your attitude just lends me more justification for why we need to keep talking about racism, homophobia, ableism and all the other prejudices that pervade our society.

I’m very, very, very pale complected.  Don’t make one whit of difference to me in terms of how I talk to children (or adults) about diversity.  Age, gender, race, language, religion, age, visible or invisible disability...  We are all human, and we all deserve to be treated as such.  It always comes back to the Golden Rule for me, but saying the words is only a fraction, a start.

Children learn by modeling what we do.  I’d bet anything that their parents’ social circle is homogeneous, same race, same language, same religion or no overt differences, no visible disabilities, etc.  When that is the model they learn, it takes a gargantuan effort to overcome it.  There’s a reason I don’t stay within one neighborhood for parks and activities.  I want children to experience, explore and embrace the differences while finding common ground with our similarities.  Yes, children are curious about differences, but they can be taught tact and allowed to find answers away from others or taught to ask tactful questions in ways that show they want to learn rather than offend.

OP, I’m sorry that this happened.  I know if I ever heard words out of my child’s mouth like you heard, my heart would break.  And if I ever heard those words aimed at someone else...  I can only guess I’d feel a combination of fury, heartbreak and failure.  In your situation, I would definitely contact the teacher, but I’d also loop in the counselor and principal.  I can’t imagine how it could be said in class without the teacher hearing and contacting you, so that leads me to believe it happened at lunch or recess, both of which take it from a classroom level problem to either grade level or schoolwide.  I’d want to know what resources they were planning on using to promote diversity in general (not only to address at school, but also to reinforce at home).  Since it sounds like the school is predominantly white, having staff talk solely about race would focus more attention on your child, which is likely to make your child even more uncomfortable.[/quote]

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