Reply to When you are a guest, do you ask before helping yourself to food/drink/alcohol?

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Reply to "When you are a guest, do you ask before helping yourself to food/drink/alcohol?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a very context-specific question. OP, I think you know that most people wouldn't just help themselves in someone else's house... so what happened?[/quote]

OP here. Thanks for the posts, all. I'm trying to get a sense of whether my instinct and reaction here is normal, or not.

My ILs stayed with us for several days. We took them out to dinner, made a huge holiday meal, provided food and drink in our home, offered alcohol at cocktail hour every night and wine with dinner. Could not have been more generous, stocking all their favorite foods and beverages.

On the last night, I find that FIL has rooted around in our cupboards and found a very expensive bottle of scotch that I received from my boss as not only a holiday gift, but also a congratulations on a huge project closing gift. Multiple hundred dollar bottle, engraved. It was not kept in our liquor cabinet, but in another cabinet. He has opened it and is pouring for himself and his wife, without asking. Without even waiting for me to be around.

I was horrified and let him know that it was a gift and that I didn't appreciate him taking some without asking. He got very defensive and told me the whole time it's been a family visit and help yourself. Anyway, I let it go, but I am still furious. [/quote]

I'm sorry to say it but to me it sounds like your FIL was just following the protocols already in place.  Your "rooted around" probably was him looking for something and it certainly doesn't sound like he had an ill intent.  You're not going to like this but given everything else you've described I think you owe him a big apology for being mad.  How was he to know that this one thing was off limits???[/quote]

Oh hell no! Helping yourself to a bottle of beer or a snack is one thing, opening a sealed bottle of extremely expensive alcohol is beyond the pale.  He knows he’s in the wrong, and that’s why he’s defensive. He should be the one apologizing. [/quote]

How would he know it was expensive?  I wouldn't know just by looking at a bottle.  I would have no idea.  [i]If OP had previously given the directive (or even passively allowed) free range than anything in a public area should be open to use.  [/i]This sounds like OP's error in not clearly defining what was and was not acceptable to be used.  And then OP compounded the mistake by losing his/her stuff.  OP owes the FIL an apology and OP needs to take better care of his/her things in the future, especially when visitors are in the house and OP is letting them use things at will.[/quote]

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