Reply to Why is my evil lying/cheating ex-husband trying to be friendly now just months after divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Because if you can all be friends now,  it means he wasnt so bad after all. [/quote]

This was my immediate thought. [/quote]

+2. XDH tried to be chatty and friendly while refusing to pay me child support until I filed (teen DS chose to live with me), going after my inheritance (unsuccessfully), refusing to help with older DD’s tuition (she still resents him) and more.

Finally I *calmly* told him I wasn’t going to be bffs with someone who did these things to me and my kids. XDH didn’t say anything but looked angry/chagrined/something.

I think two things were going on.
1. He was in denial about what a jerk he was being. He couldn’t admit it to himself.
2. Like pp said, he wants your acceptance to validate his behavior to himself and others. [/quote]

Not Op but that is a good point about him wanting your acceptance to validate his behavior/make him seem like less of a jerk. Makes total sense.[/quote]

OP - If that’s what he’s seeking he surely will not get it from me. My days of validating him are long over. These people are sick! You don’t treat someone like trash and expect to still be friends. This is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. The constant mind games are exhausting. Once my child turns 18 he will never hear from me again.[/quote]

I know how hard it is to break the cycle of validation, but it feels so good once you do it. My ex loves to pretend to be clueless regarding basic childcare stuff (really basic, like installing a carseat), and I think he genuinely finds it baffling that he can no longer just "be charming" and have me do all of the work. [/quote]

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