Reply to Mental Load — All the Rage says men just flit it all away

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Some of you chose bad husbands to marry.  I'm the main parent 60% of the time.  But I have an insanely flexible schedule so taking on more of the activities makes sense.  DH does plenty without my asking.  When I'm sick, he's the main parent 100% of the time.  Does he do things exactly how I would?  No.  But DS is fed, safe, happy, and DH is involved with him.  Not worth complaining about.

I don't believe that none of you knew that your husbands were going to make terrible coparents.  Did they help out around the house before kids and then suddenly stop when the kids were born?  I'm guessing no.  They were probably always fairly uninvolved in daily life tasks. [/quote]
When our twins were born, my Dh was incredibly involved. The only thing he didn’t do was breastfeed. He took a step back from work that year and helped more than I could ever have expected. He was as nurturing as any mother. The following year, he went back to working his normal hours, but still was fully engaged in childcare when home and helped out a lot with housework. It was amazing. The next year, he helped a lit bit less, which I could understand because his career was ramping up. However, with each passing year, he did less and less. Eventually, 100% of the mental load, 100% of the childcare and 95% of the housework was on me. Now he eats dinner with our children once every week or two. He doesn’t come home most nights. When he tries to interact with the kids, they find him annoying. They never want to open up or share anything with him. He’s moving out at the end of January and knows the kids will barely want to have a relationship with him.

You may not believe that wives couldn’t foresee their husbands being terrible coparents, but I’ve lived it.[/quote]

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