Reply to Could you be with a man who cheated

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Could you be with a man who cheated"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I must correct a major flaw in this entire thread. Most so-called “cheating men” do so because they are in a sexless marriage with an uninterested wife. In which case, it is totally expected and normal and healthy that he is going elsewhere for sex. THAT is not a red flag for future relationships at all. Quite the opposite. If he’s NOT having sex elsewhere, THAT is a major red flag that he is an abnormal low libido male whom you definitely never date. [/quote]
You love to post this ad nauseam (you must get so excited whenever there’s a new thread on cheating!), but my wedding vows did not include a promise to have sexual relations frequently, nor did they define what would be the bare minimum frequency that is acceptable. My DH didn’t suggest any such terms upon which fidelity was conditioned. However, our wedding vows did include promises to have and to hold each other from that day forward, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, and to love, cherish and honor each other, forsaking all others, as long as we both shall live. When we exchanged rings, we pledged that the rings were signs of our love and faithfulness. Many, many people made the same or similar marriage vows, never attempted to negotiate changes to the terms of their marriage, or announced to their spouse that they were ending the marriage, before sleeping with someone else. That is cheating. You’re free to feel justified in your cheating if you’re in a sexless marriage, but you’re still a cheater.[/quote]

I disagree with the person you are quoting but I also disagree with you. You really think that sex and sexual intimacy isn't part of a marriage because it isn't in the vows? If you have no interest in sex or don't see sex as part of marriage and don't intend to be a sexual partner who cares about your spouses sexual needs, you better tell your partner that way before they propose. There are a lot of things that aren't in the vows that are part of marriage. They aren't intended to be an all inclusive list of everything you will or won't do. And I would say that part of love, cherish, and honor - would include caring about your partner's sexual desires and needs.[/quote]
Of course sexual intimacy is part of marriage and there are things one should (and shouldn’t) do in order to have a healthy marriage that aren’t explicitly mentioned in the vows, but that serves to underscore the significance of marriage vows almost always including an absolute, unqualified promise of fidelity, without exception. Again, people can negotiate a change in the terms of the marriage, they can announce before they sleep with anyone else that they will no longer be faithful and let their spouses decide if that’s a dealbreaker, or they can simply end the marriage — but if they don’t do any of those things before sleeping with someone else, then they are cheating. Period.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics