Reply to How do you parent with a husband who won't?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP you said in the title your DH wasn't parenting, but when I read your post he does want to parent in a way that's different from yours. You blame his mother, then you blame him. You are upset that your daughter was studying late for an exam, but she wasn't actually taking the exam the next day because you scheduled a dentist appt over it (which is not setting your dd up for success).

I have teens and I find that suggesting and negotiating and talking about expectations goes a lot farther than an iron fist. I can't imagine telling my 16yo when to go to bed because I agree with the pp who said that they have to figure it out soon enough.

I hope you'll examine your own behavior and discontent, and maybe you'll find with some change that your family will react more positively. [/quote]

Op here .  Historically DH doesn't parent - he's a lawnmower dad with anxiety and fear of discontent.  He comes to their rescue whenever there's a struggle.  He smooths things out for both of them.  He does things they should do themselves like he'll get up and get them a snack because they are too lazy to get it themselves.  He'll look for their phone/laptop charger they can't find while while play on their phone.  It's maddening.

DD1 actually wasn't studying when I came downstairs after 11 pm.  She had her phone and was watching a movie or tv show.  That's why I was mad.  IF she was studying, I would have asked her if she needed any help.

DD has extra time on exams due to executive function deficits.  She took part one on Friday.  She was suppose to take part two after school today.  She scheduled her dentist appointment herself several months ago.  The appointment is right after school.  I told her to call the dentist before they closed Friday afternoon when she knew she needed extra time on the test, but she "forgot."  
She has said not to make her appointments because I don't know her schedule, so I had nothing to do with this appointment time.
[/quote]

Frankly OP, if I was your husband I'd pack my bags and leave you.  I'm sure if we does have anxiety you are just making it worse because I'm guessing you are walking around the house screaming at everyone all the time.  And, it seems like YOU are the lawnmower here by trying to dictate bedtimes, etc.  Your DD is 17 and like many PPers have said, what are you going to do when she's in college, call the RA and tell them to go down the hall and say "Larla - your mommy said it's your bedtime, I need your phone and iPad."  I really hope you are seeing a therapist OP and working on some of your control and anger issues.  Otherwise, you are going to end up alone with your whole family hating you.[/quote]

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