Reply to Help me with the mechanics of leaving my explosive/verbally abusive spouse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We've arrived at a place where even the simplest interaction leads to a blowup and him blaming me for everything that is wrong in our marriage. I'm happy to accept the blame that is due but it is clear to me that [b]he has no intention of trying to moderate his behavior and he is damaging my mental health and that of the children[/b] (despite me begging him to stop yelling in front of the kids)

This is going to have a big negative impact on our kids. I feel liked I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't but I think it's time to set some boundaries and establish normalcy in our day to day lives.

So, how do I do it? We have a joint account but I really don't access it. I use the $ from my paycheck to pay certain household bills. He makes 2x what I do. We currently have a lot of cash (300K) n the bank. The house has about 600K in equity on a 1m house. I do not have a lot of cash in my own account because I spend it down each month on bills and day to day expenses.  He views the joint money as "his money" so if I access it in order to leave he will react strongly.

Should I - save up and rent an apartment and then tell him? I want to take the kids with me at first to keep them away from any outbursts/anger and while I have every intention of sharing custody but I can't imagine he is going to want 50/50.  I stayed home for a few years and even though I'm now back at work full-time, I am responsible for 95% of child-related responsibilities and he really bristles when faced with parenting duties and obligations.

Back to the "his money" thing. I'd like to make a deal that means I take less $ in exchange for more time with the kids and to keep a lid on the whole situation. I can't see a way to avoid an expensive, high-conflict divorce unless I give something up- he'll fight for the sake of fighting.  I'd really like to take my share of our assets and keep the house but I think he'll feel like it's "his house" and he'll want to win by forcing a sale.

I am going to photograph all of our financial documents this week to have a record. What else do I need to do in order to be smart about this whole situation? Any Maryland lawyer recs appreciated - especially people who might be used to dealing with this type of person.[/quote]

OP,
[b]he has no intention of trying to moderate his behavior and he is damaging my mental health and that of the children[/b]

He might not be able to. It seems that he has ASD. It is possible because those things really hit the fan
when the people with ASD get married and have kids because it is too much to handle and they truly
can not deal with anything emotionally and they also have problems with executive functions and
see things for what they are, they struggle with parenting and with family responsibilities and
they just can't see it. You might want to read about ASD husbands and see how much you
can find in this helpful to deal with your current situation. It might not help you save the marriage
but it might be very helfpful to understand how your husband is thinking and acting and what
is causing it and then you can devise your strategy accordingly.

Good luck and hugs.[/quote]

Wow, took 5 whole days for crazy Autism poster to respond. [/quote]

PP, how many times do I need to tell you to stop calling crazy everyone that you don't agree with! :roll: [/quote]

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