Reply to How to explain to my mom her bitterness towards my dad is becoming painful?

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[quote=Anonymous]I can't tell from your original post whether your mom still lives with you or not.  If she does I would suggest she needs to have her own place.  You should spend time with her but not all the time.  Her opportunities to vent her feelings to you should be limited, but not completely eliminated.

It is not uncommon at all for a woman like your mother, who clearly chose to stay with a promiscuous cheating husband for many years even after her kids were grown, to be so afraid and dependent on that relationship that she falls apart when it actually ends.  She probably would never have ended it herself.

When something so big happens it is also not uncommon for people to latch onto it and not lever let it go.  They identify with it.  "I am the woman who was cheated on and dumped by my husband."  That's who she is, in her mind.  I know your post is you reaching out for help to get your mother out of this mindset.   I don't really think you can.  It's not within your power.  It's only within her power, and only if she chooses to move on.

I think you could offer to listen to your mother but tell her you are not willing to comment on or rehash the trauma and drama related to your father.  [/quote]

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