Reply to how to stop blaming parents for shortcomings in life?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't agree with the posters who say, it's too late to blame your parents, if you still hurt then blame yourself. It's like making a cup out of clay but then poking a bunch of holes in it before it gets fired, and saying, "It's the mug's own fault for leaking all that friggin tea all over the place every time we use it." Your parents formed who you are. OP, if you are still hurting, then you're still hurting. That's legitimate.

I healed A LOT after I had kids. I realized I had learned a lot from my own parents, namely how NOT to parent, and also being part of a healthy parent-child relationship was really healing, for some reason. It's like that missing relationship is there now, even though I'm the parent.

Do you have kids?[/quote]

Not the op, but I totally get this poster.  I think I said in another forum that when I had my second child — my daughter — I finally healed, and part of that healing was having very calming fantasies when my daughter was in utero about being reborn with myself as my own parent.  Hard to explain but it was very calming.  Like, I got the mom I always wanted.   And then I got a daughter i could mother my own way.  She is four now and we have a great bond.  She is secure and fierce — just what I hope for her.   [/quote]

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