Reply to Would you cut off an evil, toxic mother?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So she didn't beat you? Physically hurt you? She never, ever touched you? Is she from a culture that might not be as physically expressive? I am from former Yugoslavia, and physical touch, other than cheek kissing was not the norm. I can't remember my mom holding me. She too is critical, and even told me that if something is fine, no need to talk about it, her duty is to fix the "wrong." So, she is a very negative person. My dad was not. 
But, she also worked her butt off so sister and I would have a house and food, and clothes. She also ate cheap veggies and chicken bones, so we could eat the meat. When I started to date, she explained to my dad that he better get on board or lose a daughter. She gave us money for the movies and let us go party and even have parties at home, when she would convince dad to spend the night at the village house, so kids can be kids. She and dad gave dh and me money for furniture when we bought our first house. Even in the last 10 years, she took me shopping and bought us new couches when we couldn't afford it. And, all of this came with a dose of negativity, not about the money, she has never held the money over our heads, but with how we are raising the kids, cleaning, etc...
What I am trying to say is that people in their 20, and 30 see only the bad things, it is like there is a fog over anything good with our parents. I think it might be some mechanism of synapses firing the same way as in our childhood when we were trying to tear down out parents to become independent. It is only in my 40s that I am able to take her as she is, cut down her negative talk and take the positives from our relationship.
What I am trying to say is that perhaps you have blinders about the good things she did? Or she could be a monster from hell, all I have to go is my experience and those few sentences you wrote. So, take this at face value and do what you think is best.[/quote]

These are great observations.  Good post![/quote]
Thank you![/quote]

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