Reply to staying in touch while kid is in college

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have two girls currently in college.  The older one texts frequently and calls daily, often multiple times a day, to ask questions, share things that are happening, just say hi or while she is walking somewhere alone.  We are close.  My younger DD is a freshman and must think the daily contact is the norm after seeing her sister do it, so she also texts almost every day and calls pretty much every day, too.  I actually asked her to stop FaceTiming me so much and just make regular phone calls!  Both girls have good friends and are social, and both tell me that their friends have commented on the good relationship they have with me.  I'm glad for it, but after reading this thread I'm wondering if I should encourage them to limit their calls to me a little bit.[/quote]

You gotta go with your gut. My son’s college strongly encourages parents to step back and let them build a life away from us, which can be harder for them to do if you are in constant communication at home. But that sort of standard advice doesn’t of course make sense to everyone.

I personally think sharing is good and depending on the questions, maybe not so much. Maybe be a sounding board but don’t offer solutions or opinions (so hard!). Direct her back to resources on campus, tell her to trust her judgment, and for adulting-type questions suggest looks it up online.

If you decide to pull back I’d just be become less available to chat - “hi, everything ok? I’m really swamped with this project now so can we catch up on X day? Love you!”

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