Reply to Maintain contact with ex-sister in law?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]Anonymous wrote:
Op here, 
My understanding is ex SIL has threatened legal action (restraining order? Don’t know if that’s even possible) to prevent my sister in law from attending any school events / parent-teacher conferences etc and prevent my brother from attending them on days that aren’t “his”. My brother claims she said she’d sue the school if the teacher communicates with brother’s wife. I have no idea if any of this is true. He says she has also said she will call police if they set foot on her property so that custody exchanges are done on the street / in the car. To date she has not been willing to talk to my brother’s new wife (ie no words exchanged if she does drop off / they haven’t spoken ever) but my ex SIL has a significant other who has met / gone to coffee with my brother and his wife on some occasions and (according to my brother) is approachable and reasonable. The drama!!!

Anyway, because there is a supposed threat of further legal action (my brother and his wife are considering hashing this out in court, they say) this is the grounds for their request not to see her. I have no way or knowing if they are actually considering this or just want to control how the holidays are spent. In my experience my brother and his wife are actually very rational people on all other topics, and tend to give good advice, but my ex SIl was always kind and approachable too.

1) Your ex-SIL is being totally reasonable in her request that your brother's AP/new wife not be welcome at school events or parent teacher conferences. It would be nice if she was willing to allow it, but I completely understand why she wouldn't want that woman around. She cannot, however, ban your brother from coming to school events on his non-custodial days. 
2) Your ex-SIL gets to say who comes and does not come onto her property.

Look, I get contentious divorce. It sounds like ex-SIL is still very angry, but from her perspective, regardless of what she did, her husband cheated on her, impregnated his AP, and married her almost immediately. Why in the world would she want to see that woman or allow any more access to her child than she is required to by a joint custody agreement?[/quote]

I agree with this. I would probably avoid seeing her because I do not like drama. It is fine though if you do see her for a cup of coffee. Your brother can not control another adult and its a rude boundary crossing behavior on his part to assume that he can dictate who you do or do not see. If you do see her though do not engage in ANY discussion regarding your brother, his new wife or the divorce. You don't want to get dragged into the middle of this.

You do not seem not a meddler but I can see your brother's concern if some other relatives are drama loving boundary crossers and would want to jump in for the fun of it. My aunt would be all over something like this. She would see as an opportunity to get one on her side and milk it for all it is worth. [/quote]

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