Reply to How to talk to DH about his weight gain?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]These threads make women look awful. We want equality in leadership but we are delicate sensitive flowers who can't ever be told anything directly or have our spouses say anything that isn't glowing and positive? We can't handle any form of constructive criticism and need to always be lavished with praise and avoid any difficult conversations?

I am a woman and I have no problem with being spoken to directly about things that are of concern to my husband. I don't melt, I am just as capable as a man of handling difficult information and I don't need to be handled with kid gloves.

Both men and women run a range of being sensitive or emotional or not. There is no all mean re like x and wall women are like y. I have always been a woman who thinks more like a traditional man and no that doesn't make me trans - I am still a woman. Don't lump us all into this delicate, not as strong as men category.[/quote]

I don’t think this is about constructive criticism.  And I don’t think this is like difficult conversations in the workplace.  My husband and I have similar jobs.  He is certainly more offended and upset about negative reviews at work than I am (although he receives them much more frequently).

There are a lot of things that go into weight that are very different.  
1). It’s subjective.  I may think I look fine, and he think I need to lose weight.  
2). It takes months and years to put on weight, so he has been lying to his wife about her looks for quite some time.  
3). It takes months or years to take it off again.  So there is nothing to do about it in the moment.  
4). There is often a lot of childhood/early adulthood stuff surrounding weight and sex for most women.  Women are judged on their attractiveness, not only by society, but often by their parents, their teachers/coaches/employers, and their friends.

For a woman to hear that she is unattractive is probably more like a man hearing that his wife isn’t attracted to him because he is a loser, and that she, his father, and his boss have been engaging in concerned conversations about what a loser he is behind his back for years.  
Yes.  He might know that his boss isn’t happy with him, and his father is disappointed in him, but when his wife told him that she loved and admired him, he felt better.  Hearing that she secretly agrees is painful.    [/quote]

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