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[quote=Anonymous]We have a similar dynamic with FIL and BIL, although thank goodness BIL is single and doesn’t have any kids. He’s completely inept personally and professionally and every time he has issues at work FIL calls DH because “we have to do something about your brother!” Apparently this dynamic has been in play forever, FIL thinks that BIL can do nothing wrong—when he had problems in school it was the school’s or the teachers fault, when he gets written up at work it’s because his colleagues or judges are out to get him, etc. Total victim mentality.

BIL is now 50 and he and FIL are completely enmeshed in an unhealthy relationship with each other, and BIL feeds into FIL’s narcissism because he’s constantly seeking his approval.

It took YEARS for my husband to realize that FIL is a narcissist and he can tell him no. Now when FIL tries to rope him in to helping BIL my husband refuses to discuss it with him and tries to talk to his brother instead. It also helps that we don’t live near them.

OP, your husband needs to push back. Don’t discuss SIL with MIL. If MIL tries to put a guilt trip on your husband, he needs to end the conversation. If his sister needs legitimate help, she can talk to your husband and explain why someone with such a high income can’t manage without his help. Point out inconsistencies to him so he can see the manipulation. It will probably always be a MIL and SIL teaming up against him, but giving into them won’t improve the family relationship because they don’t want a genuine relationship, they just want to take. [/quote]

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