Reply to Tween not invited by friends to trick or treat

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Immersion? Could there be other kids in the same boat? I agree with pp that communicating with her friends is best, but if that doesn’t work out, invite a classmate in the same situation to your neighborhood.[/quote]

We have. But they always seem to be busy with other activities. I’m tired of asking all the time. I feel like just fading into oblivion. I’m just trying to help my daughter. But they don’t care.[/quote]

Speaking from my own experience, she needs to accept (which will be hard) that these girls are not good friends. She can keep them as friends but she should not invest too much time and energy because they don't view her the same way she views them. She should remain friendly with them while trying to find other girls who will be closer, truer friends.

I went through something similar, a little older. At 13 I befriended a girl who was new to my small, private school. I defended her when others attacked her. She eventually made some other friends but we remained close -- or so I thought. We were in classes together, sports together, hung out together at school. At the end of the year for her birthday she invited 3 other girls to go to an amusement park for her birthday, and did not invite me. I was shocked. We remained friends throughout high school but I was never invited to her house and she never accepted invitations to come to mine, although she did go to others'. I never figured out if it was a religion thing (I was one of 6 Jews at a Christian school), a socio-economic thing (I was there on scholarship), a social climbing thing on her parents' part, a competitive thing as we were both vying for top academic honors, or if she just wasn't that into me. In the end it doesn't really matter. What matters is I had a wonderful group of truer friends whom I saw outside of school and who would never treat each other like this, and I still enjoyed her company at school.

Your daughter is younger. 11 is really hard. Friendships start changing a lot from 11-14 anyway. I would not advise her to chase after these girls. It doesn't sound like it's just an oversight. You don't want her to be in a position of weakness and give them all the power. Encourage her to remain friends but not to chase them, and to try to find some more friends who want to be with her at school and outside of school. It will take time.[/quote]

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