Reply to Vent--No more capacity to deal with DH being a drama llama

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you’ve gotten a lot of great advice here Op. I think it helps to break it down as you really have three separate issues going on:

(1) division of labor: most of us have struggled with this. As others have suggested, throwing $ at the problem and hiring help is the easiest. Otherwise it helps to be very specific with DH because it seems men sometimes can’t “see” what needs to be done. When my DC were small I put DH in charge of laundry- all of it. I told him if he did 100% of it- on his own timeline just get it done- I’d be happy. He did. I continued doing most everything else (cooking, cleaning). Mine would rather have an “area” he is 100% responsible for than have to coordinate with me on other things.

(2) DHs “issues”. Maybe he is depressed, maybe it is situational (job stress, he is not good with toddlers), maybe it is something else. Who knows. Try to get to the bottom of it. Wait for a good time to talk and suggest all that you can depending on what he says...exercise, a doctor, etc.

(3) how to manage yourself in the meantime while this is getting figured out- you have gotten many good suggestions about walking away, doing your own thing, etc etc

[b]Good luck OP! We are all behind you. I really hope this is just a “blip” for your family- it happens. Hang in there. [/quote][/b]

This is true...there can be hard days, hard months, and sometimes hard [i]years[/i], and couples can still come out of it on the other end.  I'm in the hard years category, and am working to hang in there.  [/quote]

OP here with an update. I told DH what I was feeling and mostly got blown off. Basically, he felt he wasn't doing anything wrong and I wasn't sufficiently acknowledging his contributions. (I didn't say "what contributions?!")

But last week he was having yet another woe-is-me morning, but off to the pumpkin patch we go. Then, with all of us in the car, he managed to t-bone another car, entirely DH's fault. He gets into a screaming match with the other driver, more f-bombs than I cared to count. Completely embarrassing, totally out of control. Next morning, he's still raging and I had enough--I'm trying to deal with insurance, figure how getting a rental car, etc., while he's still hung up on the fact that the other driver yelled at him. I snapped that he needed to get over it and get it together because we're in this mess 100% because of his actions. I'm an unsupportive witch blah blah blah and he's been crashing with a friend ever since.

God, this sucks.[/quote]

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