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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You either have a bad marriage therapist, or you are misinterpreting the therapist’s advice.

Why are you in therapy in the first place? What’s wrong with your marriage? Lack of communication? Fighting? No intimacy? Certainly it can’t just be golf?

All the golf widows I know (and I know plenty...the wealthy country club kind) tag along when the wives are joining and stay behind 2-3 times a year during the boys’ trips (think: St. Andrews or work-related).

You aren’t chained to the resort. You could venture off on your own and then spend the evenings together. (Think: sex.)

[b]I’m curious why the therapist suggested a hobby that involves expensive travel the exact amount of time as your husband? I’m wondering if you misunderstood? That sort of tit for tat approach to marriage isn’t healthy (in fact, it’s quite toxic).[/b]

Is the real issue that you aren’t independent? Too needy?

Do you work? Do you have kids?

Personally, if I were in your shoes I’d want to travel...but I’d want my husband to travel with me. Does that sound appealing? If not, then I’m not sure your marriage is worth saving. [/quote]

It breeds resentment (which is much more toxic) when one half of a couple uses much more disposal income and time (offloading more childcare and hh responsibilities on the other person).

Dh and I get the same amount of fun money for our hobbies/personal use. We also get the same amount of time- dh takes a couple weekend trips throughout the year but I go out more often on a weekly basis.[/quote]

The concept of keeping score isn’t healthy.

“I’ve changed more diapers than you.”

“You played golf last weekend, so this weekend I get to leave for the day.”

Grown ups are capable of striking the right balance without keeping a literal spreadsheet.

I stand by what I said: bad therapist, or OP misinterpreted. There’s more to this story. She won’t magically fix her marriage by dropping an equal amount of cash and time on a hobby. Can the hobby be shopping? Let’s see how that plays out.

Gentle tip: don’t marry a golfer unless you’re interested in spending most of your life alone. [/quote]

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