Reply to paying for "extras" on top of child support

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, it really doesn't matter what the norm is.  The real question is are you doing right by the child.  You are paying $1400 in child support. [b] The first $400 to $500 goes to childcare.  The next $400 to $500 goes to food and medical copays.  That leaves $400 to $500 for the increased costs of housing, clothing, braces[/b] (I throw this in because you are almost there with an 8 year old and it's a killer cost) and all of the other things you have to pay for when you have a kid.  Sounds to me like in terms of child support, you are doing great.  But, then there are the things that as a parent you want to give your child.  This is over and above support.  Some people want to give their kids great experiences.  Some lots of activities.  Some a summer pool membership.  Some the experience of summer camp.  Some want to give private school.  Some want to offer educational support in terms of tutoring.  What you have to figure out is what it is that you want to give your stepson, in addition to what it costs to raise him, and then pay for it.  If you get a request for something that you don't think he needs, then don't.  If you get a request that you can't afford, you say no.  If you get a request that interferes with what you want to give your other kids (which I don't think you have yet), balance out the needs of all the kids and divide your resources between them.

As for going back to the courts, my question to you is why.  Is there really a reason you can't work this out.  I am one of five kids, all of whose siblings have divorced and had child support and custody issues/battles.  So, I've lived with this up close and personal for more than 20 years now.  The thing that seems to have worked best in my family is where the parents worked things out amongst themselves.  Courts are adversarial and if things are working, albeit in an unorthodox way, why not keep it working. Honestly, it sounds like you are doing a great job. [/quote]

This is an expensive way to live. Even if dad is paying half of all custodial expenses (and if he has visitation, then it shouldn't be half) then childcare for an 8 yr old is costing 800-1000/month, food and medical is costing 800-1000/month and housing costs (independent of the ex's own costs) are another  800-100/month. That is way overestimating these costs in my opinion. There is no way some of the $1400 couldn't go towards activities. I have 4 kids - there is no way they each cost me anything close to $2800 a month beyond my own expenses (which mom and dad both have).[/quote]

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