Reply to Vent--No more capacity to deal with DH being a drama llama

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[quote=Anonymous]Well, count me in as well. Sounds like my DH. I’m sorry to hear there are so many of us.

I think the issue is that men do not seek help with their issues- medical help, therapy, support from family/friends/ groups and instead internalize it and dump it on their loved ones. I don’t know why, but seems common. Men also seem less able to handle “household stress” well especially young children. Even when my DH is at his best, his patience level with our kids is 50% of mine. They just don’t get it. Work issues seem to trigger a lot of it- mine is stressed st work so his patience level with the kids has gone down from 50% to 20% of mine.

With the kid stuff, I’ve found that I need to do my own thing and just leave DH out of the equation unless he wants to help and/or join. He just makes everything worse, when he is in these moods. So, make your own plans on the weekends- plans with friends or take your child to the zoo, errands, out for the day etc. Don’t even factor DH in. Assume that you are pretty much a single parent, and be pleasantly surprised if he joins. Sometimes my DH does, sometimes he does not. Don’t even remotely expect help with getting child ready in the AM or help in the evening. Like I said, basically function as a single parent with regards to the kid. Get a sitter if and when you need one.

Ignore DHs moods. Pretend not to notice all the huffing and passive aggressive stuff- don’t engage.

If you want TV just get it setup. If he doesn’t like it, too bad. Don’t engage in an argument if he tries to start one.

Encourage DH to do things he likes- exercise helps my DH a lot, and so does seeing friends and things like golf etc. Since I am doing all of the parenting anyway, I’d rather have him doing those things (which help his mental state) than watching tv.

Both your DH and mine are probably depressed and anxious. I do try to talk to mine about this at opportune times but it does little good. For now I am waiting it out (he is in a stressful period at work which is making things worse) but at some point I will consider divorce. Not there yet.

Sorry OP. It stinks, I know. Wish I had better advice but the DHs are the problem here and we can’t fix it for them, even if we wanted to. [/quote]

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