Reply to Vent--No more capacity to deal with DH being a drama llama

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] I can't not make dinner--we have a kid who needs to eat. I can't stop grocery shopping--again, kid needs to eat. I can't not do dishes--I've tried, it only ends up attracting bugs AND we then have no clean plates to eat off of. I can't not do laundry--gotta have clean clothes (although I have taken to only doing mine and the kid clothes). [/quote]

Here's what I found helpful:

Make a list of all the chores and who currently does them, then divide them up so it's 50/50.

If he doesn't hold up his end, don't nag him or do it. Just let him suffer the consequences.

If it's laundry- he has no clean clothes for work. His problem.

Dishes- let them pile up no matter how ridiculous it is. If you get bugs, he gets to call pest control. If you have no clean dishes, use what you can- I've eaten off of Tupperware lids before. Once it piles up so much that it takes 2 hours to clean, he'll learn his lesson.

Cooking- don't make dinner when it's his turn. Let him handle feeding your kid. You may have a couple nights of stale saltines with peanut butter, but the kid will survive. DH will figure out that stale crackers every night gets old fast.

Grocery shopping- Same as cooking. If he doesn't do it, there's no good food and he's stuck eating random crap. Yea, you are too, but if you suck it up for a couple nights he'll learn. He'll also figure out that if he doesn't do the grocery shopping in a timely manner, he's stuck rushing after work when it's the most crowded and that's a huge pain.

I know it's tough. I recommend "Drop the Ball" in an earlier post and it's really a great book for this. She describes how her DH was supposed to take over going through the mail and he let it pile up for three months until it was a mountain. Yes, they missed party invitations and bills and whatnot. But everyone survived, and he learned his lesson after then spending an entire weekend going through all the mail. Never happened again. Men just have different standards of what's acceptable, and they don't learn unless you let them suffer the consequences.

Also- when he does do chores, don't be too picky. I used to get frustrated that my DH picked out produce at the grocery store that I wouldn't have picked. Then we started doing grocery home delivery and I realized I never had a problem when the delivery person picked out different produce than I would have. I figure if I'm forgiving to a stranger, I should be that forgiving towards my DH.

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