Reply to Neighbor girl comes over everyday to play, every day

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Tell the mom to text you before the kid comes over, to find out whether it’s a good time or not. The burden of dealing with her disappointment should fall on her mom, not on you. Be more direct with the mom. You can say you’re happy to host her sometimes but not to have her show up at your door unannounced. [/quote]

So now we text before playing outside? Why can’t the OP’s kids say they don’t want to play. Why aren’t the kids all handling this. Or is it just the OP  with the problem?

My kids all play outside, go to friends, bike to the park, meet up with others, knock on doors, and kids knock on ours. I don’t handle any of that. This is where we are crippling our kids. [/quote]

New poster. Addressing OP here, not the PP, who is wrong -- OP, it's absolutely fine to talk with the other parent (and it doesn't have to default to mom; dad is at home working so dad can deal with his DD too) and say that unannounced drop-ins don't work, and a text asking if it's a good day is fine.

The girl is six. Don't expect her and your kids to "handle this" as PP thinks is fine. The parents need to stop letting her roam over to you and assuming if she's not at their house she's at yours. It is not "crippling our kids" to act like a parent who realizes other parents and families have other things to do than accommodate your roaming child whenever. And the earlier PP is right that the girl's parents, not you, need to be the ones disappointing her!

OP, there's a bigger picture here too. Your older DD is nine. That gives a natural break point for these drop-in visits because -- nine will quickly become a world apart from the six-year-olds, especially as the school year progresses.

1) She's at an age where she is soon going to be bored with playing with six-year-olds. Both your DDs seem to compete to play with neighbor girl now but six and nine are very different ages and older DD should soon be doing her own thing with peers more. Is she getting play dates some weekdays with friends her own age?

2) Doesn't older DD have any after-school activities yet? If not -- she surely will very soon, and that puts an end to letting the neighbor girl just drop by. "We now have soccer/dance/afterschool science club/Girl Scouts some days after school, so we can't do unscheduled drop-ins any more. Text me if your DD wants to come over and I'll let you know." Or you text the parent if your girls haven't seen the neighbor in a while and want to play.

3) And what about homework? If younger DD doesn't have much or any, older DD surely does by now. Say to the parents, "This year older DD is in (third grade? whatever) and the homework is now more important so we have a new routine for school days. Fridays we're likelier to be free after school, so if you want to shoot me a text on Friday mornings to see if that's a good day, please do, but other weekdays are for homework and activities. Thanks."

I'm not saying to ice out the neighbor girl, but as others have noted, every day is too much and her parents seem unaware that your family might want family time. Do not be afraid of the girl's tears. I think if a child seemed truly to be neglected or stressed, yes, you could be a respite for her, but the case you describe does not sound that way. She sounds lonely and bored with parents who are into the "let kids be kids and go find neighbors" thing, but you are not required to embrace that, especially at the expense of your kids and you having time together.

I would NOT set specific days of the week she can come over, as some suggested above. If you do that, you create an expectation that your family is always available those days -- what if one of your DDs needs to go somewhere after school one of those weekdays, or you just are tired and not up for having a third child around? There will be tears.

OP, you are not a bad person or mean neighbor or an enemy to the "village" if you curb this. Have her over only on your terms. Tell the parents in advance, rather than have her go home wailing that you're so mean. Use the "new school year, new routines for us" explanation and use it starting now. [/quote]

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