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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Heartbreaking end of "starter marriage""
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[quote=Anonymous]Close friends of mine married at 22, right after they graduated from college. They were friends before dating and had dated for 2 years so it wasn't an impulsive decision. They both loved each other and genuinely believed that it was going to be a forever situation. First, they realized fairly quickly that dating in college when you're living on campus in the dorms is different than dating in the real world. Once they started really living together after marriage, they discovered many incompatibilities that never came up during their dating phase. Both were responsible people who had all the important talks but realistically, they didn't know what living together was like until they actually did it. Second, if they had not been married, they would have absolutely broken up by 24/25 (within 2-3 years of living together). However, because they were married, they felt that they had to make it work. The marriage dragged on until they were 30. The extra years in a dysfunctional incompatible relationship was emotionally harmful to the both of them. Third, they both changed a lot between their early 20s and late 20s. What they wanted out of life and their partner also changed. If they met at 30, they would have never dated or the relationship would have ended quickly after a couple months when they realized their incompatibilities. Everything in life has some degree of risk. This is the risk that you take when you marry young and you may not have sufficient self-knowledge. This is especially true if you marry straight out of college and your relationship hasn't been tested in real world conditions. We're all in our late 40s now. Both happily remarried in their mid-30s to people who are much better suited to them by a thousandfold. [/quote]
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