Reply to Spouses who travel or move a lot for work- how do you deal?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Female here, I'm the traveling breadwinner in the family. My husband has moved us twice in the last 3 years.  And in the last 5 years, I've traveled between 20% to nearly 90% of the time.

It seems we have the worst of both worlds.  Or the best - depending on how you look at it.  We both just deal with it; we both love our jobs.  [b]Young kids can deal.  [/b]We have both moved around a lot as kids, so it's not a big deal to us.  It does suck to be far away from close friends, but in reality - even when we lived nearby, we hardly saw each other due to family constraints on both sides.

Based on what you've said in your post, there's a lot going on. I think you guys need counseling TBH. I think you need therapy.  You're having a lot of crying spells? I think you need a hobby and stop feeling sorry for yourself.  You mentioned you didn't want to move to be in the same city as him since you're under contract at a private school, and he travels anyway. I've never heard of a private school that doesn't let you out of a contract because of job relocation (unless maybe boarding school which I doubt applies to you, and even if it did, YOU need to freaking move already.) It sounds like you're making excuses to stay.   Move. It doesn't matter if he travels most of the time anyway; it's one less place he needs to travel to, if you're all based in the same city.

It also sounds like you like the positives of his job, but can't deal with the bad stuff.  That is, you like the money he brings in, but not the travel. Well the two often come together.  If you really want him to prioritize family time (less travel, less moving), then $$$ would likely need to be sacrificed.  Figure it out.

[quote]However, his recent job had a lot of change and he's been worried about job security, so he took a job in another State. It's the beginning of the school year, so the kids and I won't be able to join him for several more months because we need time to find a house to live in. (I don't want to rent a house because I don't want to risk having to change school districts once we buy, and we are also under contract at a private school). Also, it wouldn't make sense for the kids and I to move now anyway, since he will be traveling overseas 3 weeks a month for the next several months.[/quote]
[/quote]

Uh huh[/quote]

It's called raising strong, independent, resilient kids. Not little snowflakes.[/quote]
NP, and if that’s your attitude towards the very real stressors many kids in this situation face, you’re more likely to raise anxious, unhappy kids.  They may not show it to you, since they know you don’t care, but don’t fool yourself that your selfishness doesn’t harm them.  Best case, they end up “successful” and emotionally callous as you are.

OP, I think it sucks, and it would be a deal-breaker for me.  If you’ve not done so, you and he need to have a very serious conversation about what to do.  Of course you’re crying a lot—it’s an awful situation!  Whether you work or not makes no difference; you’re a family, and your husband needs to respect that if he wants it to remain intact.[/quote]

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