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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP back again. We have been no contact for 6+weeks which has been wonderful. Its a bummer that we can not host Thanksgiving because we enjoy doing it with everyone else. Since there is no way to not invite her, we decided to travel instead and skip the extended Thanksgiving this year.

She has resurfaced and I think is hoovering now. She texted DH asking if the kids were playing with this used toy that they got from her at a family white elephant game over a year ago. She wanted him to contact her if they were not using it, so she basically wants it back. It was either sent to Goodwill or is in the garage. It has a value of around $10 so not an expensive piece of equipment or anything. DH did not respond to her. We don't want to engage her. Even if its in the garage, we don't want to then get stuck meeting her to drop it off.  If we say the kids are using it then she will demand to come use it with the kids. If we tell her we gave it away she will act outraged, claim is costs hundreds of dollars and then act as we are obligated to make this up to her. It was a piece of junk that she gave away at a white elephant game. The next day she texted him demanding to know if we were hosting and to immediately text her. DH is not going to respond. She doesn't need to know whether or why we are not hosting now in Sept. This normally gets sorted out in late October anyway. We will confirm with Grandma that we are not hosting. She doesn't need to be a go between.

For the posters who have dealt with narcissists, this is out first encounter with one, do they ever just get tired and go away? Is there any hope that in another year we can resume doing family activities and just be civil with her or she is always going to be after us in some way? We enjoy being around everyone else but its not worth dealing with her. [/quote]

My experience is that it never ends. Eventually they get bored and bother someone else, but when the opportunity arises, it’s almost impossible for them not to jump back in. And it took years for it to be a single text and no follow up. I think sometimes they just get bored sometimes and go through their contact list sending random texts to people trying to stir up some drama. For example, my sister and I (and our families including kids) had to cut off my parents. They’ll send out of the blue texts to a handful of cousins asking if they want some sentimental items, post some nostalgic FB thing about family, send me a card, and text my kids that they hope I’m treating them well. This stirs up drama because everyone starts being on edge waiting to see if my mom is about to do something crazy, someone will have hurt feelings that they didn’t get any outreach, others are annoyed that they did, and there’s just a lot of uneasiness and discomfort. Then we might not hear anything from them for 2 weeks or 6 months. I never go anywhere they might be. I can’t trust that events can be pleasant around my parents.

There’s always a ton of background info that is too much to type. The aunt in your situation does similar things as my mom. They hold onto things for years and I’ve seen them hold onto a grudge or perceived slight for years, and randomly lash out years after everyone thought it was water under the bridge (not always in obvious ways, sometimes just to remind people they still exist). For example, once my mom found out someone she disliked (don’t even remember why) opened a restaurant. They had one of those fishbowls where you drop in your card for a chance to win a lunch for your office or something. So my mom had a big group go in and put in their cards (mom owns a business with her name in the title). She told my dad that night that it was a great idea because if she did win, free lunch and she’d probably leave a bad review somewhere, and if she didn’t win, there’s no way the person she didn’t like would not notice all the cards from her office entered and it would keep her on her toes. Who TF thinks like that? And my dad was agreeing and laughing, saying things like “that’ll show her.” You can’t reason with crazy people like that, or people who ask for kid’s toys back after giving them as gifts years prior. Best to stay away. [/quote]

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