Reply to Should I tell my ex about my boyfriend before I intro him to the kids?

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Reply to "Should I tell my ex about my boyfriend before I intro him to the kids?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As someone who does not have kids but is dating a divorced dad, this is very interesting to me. I’ve met his kids several times, the first time several months ago. They know I’m his girlfriend. The other day he was musing that he wasn’t sure whether his ex was aware of me yet - he seems to figure the kids or a mutual friend might mention it. It doesn’t even seem to have crossed his mind to have told her first, or at all. [/quote]

Not a good sign that he didn't think it through how a new girlfriend would affect his kids. Just saying. [/quote]

He thought how it would affect his kids. I think the question of the post is how to whether to tell the ex in advance. We'd been dating for six months before I met the kids. We discussed how I should first meet them, he discussed it with them in advance. He did not, however, tell his ex that the kids would be meeting me.  Is it really a must for the ex to know the kids will be meeting someone the father is dating? Isn't that for him to decide/handle?[/quote]

Child of divorce here, now adult. Never divorced myself.

The dad gets to decide how and when. That is totally up to him to handle. But when you are coparenting children your life is never entirely yours again. You have people coming into your home all the time who will have intimate open relationships with your ex. And your goal should be keeping that relationship amicable so no one is shocked or taken by surprise. You prepare the other parent for the news so when Susie comes home talking about how Dad introduced them to Debbie today that they don't start crying or lash out and say something mean because they're prepared for it.

Openness with the ex in these situations isn't about giving the ex the courtesy as much as it is making sure that everyone is prepared so the kids are treated in the best possible way by all adults involved in the situation.

I feel like the way you talk and the way you describe your BF of acting points to a situation where that isn't happening. That's unfortunate. [/quote]

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