Reply to Ugh ..AP is not a downgrade

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am blindsided about the affair, I thought DH and I had a good relationship (including sex life). I took some comfort in hearing from my friends that APs are usually a downgrade.  I am pretty sure I have figured out who the AP is and while she is not significantly younger, she is pretty and highly successful in a field that I left to raise DCs.  I was planning to confront DH about the affair but still had hope for reconciliation but this makes me worried he will definitely leave.[/quote]

I have no useful advice here other than to recommend therapy for him and you.  And to otherwise ignore the anonymous posters here.  They don't have to live your life and the aftermath to you and your family whether you stay or go.  Affairs are super common, many people stay married, the choice is yours.

[/quote]

You misunderstood the 180. That doesn't mean you won't stay together! The 180 is about focusing on yourself- what you really want out of life. Been putting off learning to scuba dive? Do that for yourself. Go to therapy for yourself. Been neglecting your friendships? Go hang out with them without your spouse.

We have the instinct to want to beg the cheating spouse to stay. This is crap. You can't force anyone to love you. They should be begging YOU for forgiveness.

If you focus on yourself then the onus is on the cheater. It actually can make them see you in a different light sometimes...that you aren't just a Mom you are a fully actualized person. We always put our needs last so doing the 180 can reawaken YOU.

It also gets you in the mindset that you will be fine no matter what happens with the marriage. Which is true!

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/confrontation/understanding-the-180.asp?[/quote]

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