Reply to BIL's Wedding - Big Deal if Only DH Attends?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - Wow, lots of strong responses which is exactly why I asked!

To further clarify, we *really* can't afford the cost.  We live a in a cramped condo that needs a lot of work.  We are desparately trying to save to move into something more suited for a family, in an ok school district but are struggling to cover the cost of the repairs required before we could even list it. I've only been on a plane once in the last 10 years and the tickets were a gift. Our family vacations typically consist of driving to see family.  Our big splurge this year was 3 days at a DelMarVa beach.

As for the details about BIL, yes, I am not his biggest fan.  There's a lot of history there - lying, theft - that has nothing to do with me and has resulted in trust issues and a lack of closeness between the brothers.  DH was surprised he was asked to be in the wedding party, but his brother doesn't have many friends and his fiancée wants a large group to match hers. I don't think BIL would care at all if we weren't there.  There are also a bunch of aunts, uncles, and other extended family that will attend. I guess my thinking is that if BIL doesn't even want to attend his own wedding, why should I compromise my family's future to be there?[/quote]

In your situation, I would have your husband talk to his brother about the wedding.  He can explain now, while it is early enough to plan according to the conversation, that you two cannot afford the wedding and that traveling plus time change will be hard on the kids.  He can ask whether the kids will be included and he can ask how his brother would feel if you and the kids stayed home while his brother came to the wedding alone.  Then, instead of speculating about what you think he would care about or not care about, you husband will have his brother's actual feelings and discussion to decide on the best course of action.  If he comes away finding that while his brother doesn't care about the details and planning of the wedding, he does care about his family being there for him, then your husband can ask his father if his father will help him with the cost of plane tickets to bring the family to the wedding.  Right now, you are trying to guess what your future BIL thinks based on his prior actions and life.   You are making big assumptions since you admit that he is not that close to you or his brother.  And you are trying to base your response on what you think he wants.  At this point, you have more speculation than fact to make your decision.  The easiest and best thing to do is for the brothers to actually talk and figure this out together while they both still have time to plan accordingly.[/quote]

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