Reply to BIL's Wedding - Big Deal if Only DH Attends?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - Wow, lots of strong responses which is exactly why I asked!

To further clarify, we *really* can't afford the cost.  We live a in a cramped condo that needs a lot of work.  We are desparately trying to save to move into something more suited for a family, in an ok school district but are struggling to cover the cost of the repairs required before we could even list it. I've only been on a plane once in the last 10 years and the tickets were a gift. Our family vacations typically consist of driving to see family.  Our big splurge this year was 3 days at a DelMarVa beach.

As for the details about BIL, yes, I am not his biggest fan.  There's a lot of history there - lying, theft - that has nothing to do with me and has resulted in trust issues and a lack of closeness between the brothers.  DH was surprised he was asked to be in the wedding party, but his brother doesn't have many friends and his fiancée wants a large group to match hers. I don't think BIL would care at all if we weren't there.  There are also a bunch of aunts, uncles, and other extended family that will attend. I guess my thinking is that if BIL doesn't even want to attend his own wedding, why should I compromise my family's future to be there?[/quote]

How are you and DH not close to his brother at all but somehow you are just so sure he’s not into it at all? Just because he doesn’t really care about the planning doesn’t mean he doesn’t care and/or want you there. I don’t know, it feels really presumptuous to make all of those assumptions if you are insisting you’re not at all close. Something is not adding up here.

What does your DH want you to do? It seems that he should lead the decision-making here. [/quote]

Also, to add, if a bunch of extended family is making the effort to be there, it’s going to look really weird if DH’s wife and kids aren’t there. He’s going to have to deal with a lot of questions. If FIL will pay, I just really don’t think you have an excuse, no matter how many you want to make up. [/quote]

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