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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Divorce is expensive.  We did ours through mediation, agreed on everything, and only hired lawyers to review and I still paid out over $10k when it was all said and done.  If you sell the house, there are closing costs, if you keep it, there are costs to refinance.  If you move, there are moving costs, security deposits, you have to buy some furniture, etc.

Your kids will be hurt by this.  I don’t know that they will be any more hurt by it than if you stay in a dysfunctional marriage, but you will need to face the fact that this is going to shape them and how they view relationships.  You need to get them in to therapy, which is another cost.  If your ex disagrees, he can also prevent them from getting it.

[b]Dating is a mixed bag.  I don’t know what problems you are having in your marriage, but you can assume that any future dating partners are going to carry similar baggage.  [u]It’s easy to find dates as a single mom.  It’s hard to find a quality, long term committed partner.[/u]  Most men who will understand your situation will also have kids, which means their custody schedules may not match, so you have limited free time.  They may have high amounts of child support and alimony they are paying to their former spouses, and that can Be limiting and a stress if you eventually decide to be committed long term.  They may have a crazy ex spouse who will be problematic for you.  [/b]

Blended families have an extremely high divorce rate.

All that said, I love my new life.  I love the independence, the freedom to date, the freedom to not date.  The freedom to parent as I please, the freedom to be 100% myself.  [/quote]

I was hesitant to chime in since I don't know OPs situation and don't want to encourage or discourage divorce.  But regarding dating, and assuming she's fit and attractive, this is exactly the truth, especially the underlined part.[/quote]

Look at it this way. You thought you had problems with one spouse. Second marriage or partner you have to deal with their kids that you rather not spend time with. Unwanted guests around the holidays stealing your child's time and space. Exes that won't go away, or who are intrusive because they still have bad feelings. Finances that are still supporting kids for years to come. When you want to go on vacation your new partner won't go unless their kids are invited. Doesn't matter if their kids have different breaks from yours they insist you can't do it separately. Vacations end up being a nightmare.

These are just a few of the problems. Trying to work out a 1st marriage is always best unless of course it's impossible.

[/quote]

Ok so ... there's no rule that women (or any divorced person) needs to find a second partner or second marriage.  If the first marriage is miserable and dysfunctional, you get out of it for that reason.  Do I hope that I might meet someone better? Of course.  But if you told me right now, "you will never have another relationship with a man again" I would STILL divorce.  [/quote]

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