Reply to Excessively dependent mother still completely helpless months after dad's death

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Obviously there is a to of resentment from OP and sister towards mom. I get that though if mom was never able to be involved really in parenting given her inability to do anything independently, that is going to leave scars.

I think you have to be careful though to not take that resentment out on her now that she is vulnerable and OP and sister have control over her life and her finances. Since mom can't make decisions, [b]OP and sister are making them all for her but through a lens of being very frustrated and hurt by having had a helpless parent[/b].

I think you need a neutral party here - maybe an adult social worker who can help advocate for what mom needs, what her limits and abilities are, what reasonable expectations are, what supports she needs and that person can stay in regular contact to see how she is doing.

There is no way Op and sister can be that person given their anger and resentment and disappointment in their mother as a person, a wife, a mother etc. it would be better for them to step back from the decision making and just visit and be her daughters and have someone else who doesn't have financial interest or childhood hurt / pain be her advocate.[/quote]

No.  They're making decisions through the lens of people who now are expected to either do all these things for her, or potentially pay significant sums for someone else to do them.

There's a difference between making sure your parent is cared for (which OP and her sister have done) and spending $144,000 per year because the able-bodied parent refuses to do the most basic life tasks.  Not can't do - refuses to do.  [/quote]

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