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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Anonymous wrote:
The people who resent boundaries are usually narcissistic boundary stompers. Think about it. If someone says "no that's not a good time for me" why would you want to bother them? If someone prefers you only visit for a week, not 2, why on earth would you insist on 2| People have jobs, stresors, a million things going on. it takes a whole lot of self-absorption to assume the world revolves around you.

Absolutely. If you don't want to hear the word "boundary" then don't keep ignoring other people's feelings or statements and put them in position where they have to say it to you. It only comes up because some people refuse to take into consideration other people's concerns and put themselves first. [/quote]

+10000 I ever understand what people meant by others crossing boundaries until I interacted with DH's aunt. She is an evil combination of a narcissist and a moocher. Saying no to her is taken as a personal offense and she doubles down on badgering, manipulating and being obsessed with whatever said no about to her. We finally had to cut all contact with her when she kept escalating.

With all the other relatives, everything is fine. DH and I are actually pretty flexible and have no problem compromising. The difference is that they do not push if it is something that we either really do not want to do or can't do. They don't take advantage of our willingness to compromise. They do not make unreasonable demands or try to inject themselves inappropriately into our lives.

If you are hearing the word "boundary" from someone else then you need to step back and realize that you have been pretty darn rude and inappropriate for the other party to get the point of having to sit you down and say no more.[b] It doesn't matter one bit that you THINK you are just giving love and want to surround their children with a circle of love. You're not. You're hyper focused on your own entitlement and wants.[/b] You're toxic and the kids are better off without you being around them. [/quote]

This is probably the best and most illustrative line in this whole thread.

I don't have much of a problem with family overstepping boundaries, but I did have a friend years ago whose boundary crossing was out of control. She had been laid off of her job and had been out of work for months. She had sent me her resume and asked if I would refer her to a couple of roles at my company. Although she was not qualified or a fit for any of them, I wanted to help out a friend in need and submitted her resume through the official referal channels.

When she never heard back from any recruiters for the role, she asked whether I would look in the system give her the names of the hiring managers so she could contact them directly. This is a strict no-no at my company, and since I was listed as her referal, they would have known I had broken company policy. Either way, she didn't even have 25% of the qualifications needed for these roles - they wanted an MA or PhD and someone with 20+ years of experience in the industry; she has a BA and zero years of experience in the industry.

I told her I was unable to give her the managers' names. To PP's point and the line I bolded above, she began telling me that she just wanted to make sure she'd get hired so I would get the referal bonus, that was her only intent. Again, I declined due to company policy. Over the next few weeks, she emailed and texted me daily asking me to hand over the names; each time I refused; each time she reminded me of the sweet referal bonus I'd be missing out on.

To OP's original question - our friendship fizzled. I'm sure she thought what she was doing herself a favor by being persistent and "just networking." On my end, it created a great deal of stress and revealed an overly agressive personality that I simply didn't want to associate with anymore.
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