Reply to Forcing Adopted Asian Child to have Bat Mitzvah when Child Does not Want It

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Reply to "Forcing Adopted Asian Child to have Bat Mitzvah when Child Does not Want It"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]My brother and SIL fully admit they are forcing their daughter from Asia to have a Bat Mitzvah even though there is no family pressure on either side to have one. [/b]The daughter makes it very clear she doesn't want it.  [b]I should also note they have both been great about making sure their daughter learns about her own culture too.[/b] They have taken her to events, signed her up for cultural groups and activities, encouraged friendships. [b]However, chances are she is not a member of the very small sect of Chinese Jews in China so I just don't understand pushing an agenda she doesn't want. [/b]She has complained to me and they have complained about how they basically are bribing her to do it. I did suggest it may be helpful to find a family therapist savvy to these issues with adoption to sort this out. I am not an expert, [b]but I don't see the point in forcing this even on a child who was born into a Jewish family. We didn't make our own kids do it.[/b]

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So, OP, it sounds like you don't think your niece is Jewish. I know you think you are advocating for her, but I would tread very lightly because all the information you have presented here screams that you see her as different because she is not a blood relative, and that the only way she could be Jewish is if her birth parents were. Is it possible that she doesn't want a Bat Mitzvah celebration because she's constantly made to feel like an outsider?

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OP responding. I didn't force my own kids to have it.  I don't believe in forcing anyone to do these things, but yes, if she is not of Jewish descent and she prefers her own culture, then I do not think it is fair to impose a different culture on her.[/quote]

I am confused: was she raised going to synagogue and observing high holidays in addition to other celebrations like Purim? If so, she was raised in the Jewish faith and culture.  She is Jewish. I guess your family forced her into a different culture when they adopted her at birth? She is racially Chinese but she was raised Jewish. If you take her Judiasm from her, you get that she is not ethnically Chinese. Her Hebrew is better than her Mandarin or whatever dialect of the region she was adopted from. I feel terrible for her. It sounds like you and your family are not equipped for trans-racial adoption.[/quote]

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