Reply to WWYD - neighbor doesn't like fingernail painting

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can’t you just tell your kids “some families don’t think it’s good to paint nails so we’re only going to do it when it’s just us.” Then I’d kid comes over, nail polish doesn’t get put out or if he comes over and it’s out you say “oh, some parents don’t like polish so it’s our rule that other kids can’t paint nails at our house. Let us finish up then we can do something else.”

There are lots of parents who wouldn’t want you painting their kids nails, me included - even for girls. If you are otherwise are happy with this kid being over, honoring their wishes is a kindness to him and the dad. It sounds a bit like you’re uncomfortable telling your kids no to an activity (I may be projecting there) but that’s really all that needs to be done here.[/quote]

I'm not uncomfortable telling them no to an activity. I'm uncomfortable making any of the kids feel ashamed about something like this. [/quote]

NP here.  There's a world of difference between telling the kids that some families don't want kids to paint their nails and making them ashamed about an activity.  And you don't let the neighbor kid paint nails and then clean it off after the father has said not to do it.  If your child went to someone else's house and you asked them not to feed your child sugary snacks before dinner, how would you feel if they gave your child the very treats you asked them not to, but told your child not to tell you that he had it.  Would you be okay with that?

The father asked you not to have his child paint his nails.  Whether it's because he doesn't approve of boys painting their nails or whether it's because he doesn't want his child around paints and paint cleaner, it isn't your choice to ignore his request.  You either follow his request and don't allow your children to do that activity when the neighbor is there, or you send the neighbor home when your children want to do that activity.  And it's very easy to tell your kids that they'll have to do that activity later when Timmy goes home because he isn't supposed to be participating in that activity.  If they ask why, just say simply that every family has different house rules and in his family, he isn't allowed to use the paints and paint cleaner.  This doesn't make it any more shameful than in his family he isn't allowed to watch cartoons or eat sugary treats before meals or play with toy guns.

As for TV time, just tell the neighbor (the father) that your kids watch cartoons after dinner.  If his child comes over after dinner, then he can join them watching cartoons.  If he doesn't want his child watching cartoons, then he should keep his son home after dinner.  Then it's up to his father whether he comes over during cartoon time or not.[/quote]

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