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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP -- before you said it, I wondered if your DD was afraid of rejection or maybe even afraid of getting into a school like Cornell and feeling like she won't belong.  I would strongly encourage her to apply to one reach.  Have you visited Cornell?  If not, I would do that and then see what she says.  [/quote]

There is some merit to this.  In our house the deal is this— mom and dad get input on the search process because it’s a huge financial commitment by us,  we want to make sure the kid has all the info they need to make a good decision, and we aren’t paying for a degree with no realistic path towards a decent job.  And we define good job pretty broadly.   Mom and dad can veto a college going on the list if we just would not pay for an education from that college.  (We haven’t had to).  As part of the college application process, we looked at a couple schools because I felt like they were really strong in everything my kid wanted and would be a good fit. One made the college list and kid puts it in the top tier. One was a bust.  One college we didn’t visit is going on because it is so strong in their area but it’s a geographic mess to visit, and I want my kid to leave their options open. But when the dust settles, the kid can attend any college on the list that we can afford.  Because no colleges are going on the list we can’t live with. Otherwise, we are looking a fight in April.

So, I think it’s fair to ask your kid to visit and consider a college.  Or add a college of you can’t realistically visit.  But if they consider it and say no, that’s it.

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