Reply to Bar Mitzvah Protocol Question: Invite Out of Town Parents?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Thanks for all the feedback.

First, I never met these parents, or any of the other parents of any of the other 'camp' friends.  Second, I honestly didn't know what to expect with inviting these kids.  This is a Jewish camp, so everyone involved is Jewish.  Our older child was invited to several out of town Mitzvahs, and I never assumed that my spouse and I were invited.  We declined as travel for a weekend was not in the cards for us.

I will admit that I did not provide information about our hotel blocks for the out-of-town parents we don't know.  But one parent did email us to ask and I provided that information.  That parent also asked about any other kids from the camp from her geographic region and I provided those contacts and offered any help with logistics.

For this particular person, it's not like they reached out to us and asked nicely if they could attend, or reached out in general asking if they were invited or for recommendations on what would be appropriate for them to attend.  Rather, they just stated matter-of-fact, that she and her husband "will" attend.  Just like that.  And to be perfectly honest, they weren't invited.  And now, with an approach like that, I don't really want them there.  [b]I don't even know their names.  I have their email from a camp roster, but I only know the camper's name, the parents names are not on the list.  [/b]

[b]Plus, we're now up to something like 4 kids from out of town who are coming to the party.  I wasn't really prepared to budget for 8 additional adult guests for this event -- and more if more choose to come.  And I don't really want 8 or more total and complete strangers at our party and in our pictures forever.[/b]  The families of the other 3 kids seem to have no issue with not coming.

So I'm inclined to politely let them know that they are welcome to join us at the service and for the luncheon following the service.  And suggest some restaurants near the party that they might enjoy during the party.  But I don't think I want them at the party.

[/quote]

Ok so you don’t even know their names but they should be totally cool leaving their kid with you?

Second you sound a bit like a dramatic teen that these people will be in your pictures FOREVER. Come on. They won’t be in every photo and certainly not the family photos. Do you actually sit around and look back through the 500 pictures taken at the Bar Mitzvah that frequently?  There will come a time when you and your child will struggle to name several of the kids in the photos.

Finally it sounds as if you haven’t planned very well. You seem upset that already 3 out of town kids are coming. Don’t invite them if you can’t afford it and if you can’t swing two more plates at your party then you are either having an obscene celebration or you have already over estended yourself. Families are different, kids are different - there may well be a very good reason for them not wanting their child to be on their own. You know the reason people often carry on about people who are great hosts or hostesses is because it is both difficult and a rarity. Show some class and graciously welcome them. The irony that in the celebration of this sacred event you seem unable to give any of yourself to accommodate other Jews or provide them with the befit of the doubt  is really rich. On thé upside at least you will have at least one thing to pray about on Yom Kippur - so there’s that. [/quote]

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