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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My brother died young. It was unexpected and traumatic and horrible.

I try to think of it like, it showed me that you never know how long you have. You never know when it will snuff out, you never know if what you say to someone will be the last thing you say.

So I live my life and live it well. I hug my kids, I don't say things I can't take back, I appreciate the earth and what I can manage to see on it before I die. I live well and with hunger. I don't want to be struck down and never have done or seen something I wanted to have done or seen. Never want to leave with a terrible final memory of me.

I miss him, and others close to me like a step parent, many grandparents and an uncle, but I know he and they would only be frustrated if they felt I was letting their absence hold me back. They all gave me something, made me who I am, I try to honor them by grabbing life with both hands. And it helps make me less afraid of death.

I have two young kids and one on the way right now and I sometimes am struck with fear of if something happens to me. Struck with the fear that I'll miss our on their lives. But not struck with regret for what I've done with them so far. I think this is the best way to handle it. I'm never going to want to leave the show, but I want to always feel that my fear is about missing out on the future and not regretting the past.

You never really heal completely, but you will reach a new normal one day.

And all you other people participating in the grief olympics should stuff it. [/quote]

This is beautiful and what I strive for.  The parent I lost certainly loved life and lived it to the fullest. I tell myself he would absolutely hate being the source of anyone’s sadness.  That helps me snap out of it when I get to a dark place.

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