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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Guy here. I think it's fine to discuss and ask. It's even fine to revisit it down the road if some time has passed andante is reason to believe a philosophy has changed. You need to be firm with him. His temper tantrums have possibly had success in the past, so he goes back to the well. Be firm. "that's not exciting for me. It's a turnoff. I'm sorry but that one is going to havebto stay in your head. That's a boundary I won't cross. Please don't ask again." if he pouts, let him. Then when he paws you later, telling him you were innthe mood but his pouting turned you off. He'll learn quick.[/quote]

Thank you for this advice, but this tactic does not work. When I say very clearly what my boundaries are, he does pout. His pouting includes telling me that I am too restrictive, that I don’t do anything he asks for, that he wants to have a happy life and that I am making him miserable. He keeps at it until I give in. He wakes me up at night, he calls me at work, he is nice, then angry, then accusatory and mean. He tells me he’ll have to look for what he needs outside of the marriage. He tells me everyone has kinks and that I should just give him his. He freezes me out. He does not stop.  I’m writing this now, at 3:00 a.m., because I can’t sleep from my stomach churning and my mind racing about what we’re about to do this weekend, but I know if I tell him how I feel, he’ll say I ruin everything. I know this sounds crazy and pathetic, but we can’t divorce now. Our kids have been through a lot of moves and we are finally in a home they can settle into and have the kind of life they deserve. DH has already told me that we would have to sell the house if we divorce (I could not stay here) and that he would move far away so the kids would have to travel between us. I can’t do that to them. I’m in this for at least 7 more years. It’s a typical situation where he makes more money and I can’t afford our house or lifestyle by myself, even with child support. I have family who would help me, but I would have to tell them what’s been going on and...it’s a lot to explain to people who have seen me covering for him (when he can’t be around for family time, when he’s rude to people, etc) for so long. I’ve been telling them everything is fine.

I guess I was posting here for validation and I got it. He makes me feel crazy sometimes, like I’m ridiculous for not wanting these things and that I’m a terrible person for not giving him what he wants. I know what this relationship is—coercive, emotionally abusive, etc. I’ve been to counseling (alone) and read the books. I just don’t feel like I can get out of it without seriously hurting my kids. This is just venting.[/quote]

Is this all over his fetish of wanting to be hotwifed or cuckolded?  Or is he this coercive over everything else?

He really sounds much worse jn this post that the original. I would be tempted to tell him to go do what he needs sexually and to leave you alone but the marriage probably won't last over time and plan on leaving when the kids get older. Sorry for your situation. Sounds miserable[/quote]

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